Promises Made, Promises Kept
When we started on the road to a contract I promised you we would fight for a decent contract. I kept my promises without compromising the core values that are the foundation of our union.
Now that hidden agreements are emerging from the TWU settlement, I am proud to reveal, as a New Year present to you, my loyal members, the top-secret hidden agreements we made with the Department of Education.
Frankly, I had some doubts that I could deliver on this one. But with our COPE contributions, we applied intense pressure. Thus, we were able to procure a double-digit raise in the amount of toilet paper in teacher bathrooms -– a 15% increase in the toilet paper allocation. 8% is guaranteed while the extra 7% will go to those who spend an extra 37.5 minutes in the bathroom. And it won’t be the cheap rough kind either. Softer Charmin-like. But if some rough toilet paper should slip in, we have procured an increase in the hemorrhoids allowance from GHI.
New grievance procedure
If rough toilet paper exceeds 20% of the total, we have gotten an expedited grievance procedure whereby you can file directly from the bathroom and an arbitrator will be dispatched immediately from central headquarters at the Tweed Courthouse to visit you in the stall to make an immediate decision. And best of all? If any toilet paper ends up in your file, you can ask to have it removed after 3 years.
This ammunition should help you respond to my critics who claim Roger Toussaint did better than I did. Just point out that the TWU got nothing in terms of improved toilet paper. Toussaint can’t hold a candle to me.