Saturday, December 31, 2005

Promises Made, Promises Kept

When we started on the road to a contract I promised you we would fight for a decent contract. I kept my promises without compromising the core values that are the foundation of our union.

Now that hidden agreements are emerging from the TWU settlement, I am proud to reveal, as a New Year present to you, my loyal members, the top-secret hidden agreements we made with the Department of Education.

Frankly, I had some doubts that I could deliver on this one. But with our COPE contributions, we applied intense pressure. Thus, we were able to procure a double-digit raise in the amount of toilet paper in teacher bathrooms -– a 15% increase in the toilet paper allocation. 8% is guaranteed while the extra 7% will go to those who spend an extra 37.5 minutes in the bathroom. And it won’t be the cheap rough kind either. Softer Charmin-like. But if some rough toilet paper should slip in, we have procured an increase in the hemorrhoids allowance from GHI.

New grievance procedure
If rough toilet paper exceeds 20% of the total, we have gotten an expedited grievance procedure whereby you can file directly from the bathroom and an arbitrator will be dispatched immediately from central headquarters at the Tweed Courthouse to visit you in the stall to make an immediate decision. And best of all? If any toilet paper ends up in your file, you can ask to have it removed after 3 years.

This ammunition should help you respond to my critics who claim Roger Toussaint did better than I did. Just point out that the TWU got nothing in terms of improved toilet paper. Toussaint can’t hold a candle to me.



At 7:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

With all due respect LGF, and I certainly do appreciate the honesty, integrity and effort of your negotiations in procuring the softer Charmin like toilet paper, our principal says that Charmin is not recognized in her contract as a viable toilet paper alternative, she says it is “too soft” and that “bits and pieces tend to get stuck in places where it shouldn’t.” She already has made arrangements to have rougher tissue delivered and used before the February start of our beloved contract. Is she allowed to do this? Thank you in advance.

At 9:14 AM, Blogger brownnose said...

Oh, your words do fall from the skies like drops of manna, no wisdom of the ages, and i cannot but withhold my words---for thou art the bog cheese, and who, what could reach those exalted heiights but thee!

My cup runneth over. Let me get a paper towel.

At 9:24 AM, Anonymous slo nappz said...

This is PROOF that a voucher system would solve our problems. Who wants to use one bathroom when you could have several? We need to break the public school monoploly and let competition work its wonders! OK? Who wants to fight with me? I'll cream ya. I'll murderize ya.

At 7:28 AM, Anonymous elementarygirl said...

Is it also true I can now line my bulletin boards with the toilet tissue? I understand the DOE says that all standards, rubrics and tasks must now be posted on the cardboard rolls even though the contract states we have control over bulletin boards. Will I be able to use sheets of Bounty Paper Towel instead?

My principal told us that if 2 or more of the new and improved softer rolls are used in one day, we will lose another day in August, but I couldn't find that on the MOA. But my principal must be one of the better ones because others are adding another teaching period for the same violation.


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