Friday, December 30, 2005

The Party of the Year

I am live blogging from Le Gran Fromage's Day Before New Year's Eve Party here on the Upper West Side of Manhattan!!!

I can't tell you how exciting this night has already been and we've only made it to the soup course so far!!!

First off, nobody but nobody throws a party like Le Gran Fromage - not even Dennis Kowlowski. When I first arrived at the party, unemployed actors and/or occasional per diem teachers (OPDs) were standing in the lobby dressed as Roman slaves handing out party favors and little bottles of airplane booze for the glass elevator ride up to Le Gran Fromage's duplex. I quickly polished off my little airplane bottle of Victory Gin and waited breathlessly for my elevator ride up.

Once I got upstairs, I could hear the magnificent strains of Yanni wafting down the hallway to the elevator. At first I thought Le Gran Fromage had bought a new stereo system, but lo and behold, she had hired Yanni for the evening to entertain us!!! After I finished shrieking my head off in excitement and ran over to get Yanni to sign my cummberbund, I couldn't wait to go see Le Gran Fromage and thank her again for my promotion to official UFT Minister of Truthiness.

But before I describe my meeting with Le Gran Fromage, let me tell you a little bit about her apartment. As we all know, Le Gran Fromage is an Imperial Rome history buff and she had decked her apartment out in 1st Century Roman decor so real that it would have fooled even Petronious, the famous Roman playwright and friend of Emperor Nero. The pond in the middle of the apartment sparkled with moonlight from the skylight and famous people from all walks of life dotted the crowd. I saw Bill and Melinda Gates chatting away with Liza Minelli and John Lithgow while Mayor Michael Bloomberg and his ladyfriend were yucking it up with that mensch of mensches, Chancellor Klein, and Elizabeth Rohatyn, the wife of former Ambassador to France Felix Rohatyn. More out of work actors/occasional per diems wandered through Le Gran Fromage's spacious duplex with trays full of expensive liquor and scrumptious, delectable hors d'oeurves that just melted right in your mouth and I noticed that Liza had already enjoyed more than her share of Le Gran Fromage's excellent vino.

And then I beheld that most pleasing of union leaders, that most delightful of companions, that most wonderful of bosses - Le Gran Fromage!!! She looked just like her pictures on all those posters she has hanging in her apartment, though she is a little skinnier than she looks on all those TV monitors she has around playing her speeches over and over again. But nothing can beat kneeling down and kissing her hand while reasserting my ever-dying fealty to her union presidency!

Dear EdzUp readers, I will have to cut this live blogging short because the first meat course is coming and I can't pass up the opportunity to dine on grilled zebra. But suffice it to say, this party at Le Gran Fromage's has been all I dreamed it would be and more. Later after dinner, we will be singing hymns to the greater glory of Le Gran Fromage with the help of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and the rest of this small gathering of Le Gran Fromage's closest 200 friends and then I hope to get just a moment more to tell Le Gran Fromage again how thankful I am for my elevation to the position of UFT Minister of Truthiness.

Well, that's all for -

OMIGOSH!!! Chancellor Klein and Melinda Gates have gotten into a shoving match over the last piece of grilled zebra. I cannot believe Mrs. Gate's just bitch-slapped the chancellor like that!!! This is not looking good, I hope that -

Oh, no, now Liza's gotten involved!!! She just picked up the cheese knife!!! Does anybody want some cheese? No, I don't think so...

I don't know how this is going to end, but I hope it doesn't make it into the papers!!! You know how Zuckerman and Murdoch love to embarrass Our Great Union Leader. I'll have to let you know later tonight, after the police sort this mess out, or maybe tomorrow when I'm live blogging from the UFT New Year's Eve Party down at UFT headquarters.

Anyway, ta ta for now...Owwww!!!! Watch where you're going with that, Liza, for god sake's. I can't be Minister of Truthiness if you cut my tongue out!!!


At 5:12 PM, Anonymous Excessed teacher said...

I am a recently excessed teacher who was asked to serve at this party since I voted for the new contract. Now that my 2 years of teaching no longer guarantees me a placement, I decided to take this position. I was told it paid per session rate. You can imagine my surprise when I was told that under the new contract per session is now $2/hour. For the honor of serving our great leader, I would have done this for free. Unfortunately, when Liza bumped into me, I spilled a drink on Sen. Clinton. I now have a letter in my file and will no longer be able to serve my great leader until my 3 year LIF sentence is completed.

At 3:10 AM, Blogger Unity Hack said...

This was one great party. I haven't been to sleep yet, and I may not bother, as many partygoers seem to have made their way to my apartment. I was shocked when Liza forced brownnose to engage in that unnatural act right there on the coffee table. I spit a whole mouthful of zebra on her, and it just turned her on more.

Actually I've gotta get some rest, as school starts in a few days, and you know what that means--gala luncheons. You need energy for those gala luncheons.

At 3:12 AM, Anonymous slo nappz said...

Parties like this are just one more reason we need to break the school monoply and get vouchers!!


At 3:55 AM, Anonymous Real Unity Person said...

Get a life, losers!

At 4:30 AM, Anonymous Unity Police Unit said...

To: "real unity person,"

We know you're not really one of us as we have been told NEVER to use a small "u" for Unity. Claiming the computer did it is no excuse. The UPU have tracking devices. You will be hunted down and sent to teach a full schedule in the South Bronx. Bring your mop to clean the lunchroom floors.

Unity Police Unit


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